Ever feel that your achievements feel empty?
You may feel like you’re living a life that’s not your own and may feel a bit lost.
In this week’s episode developmental psychologist and life coach, Dr. Sasha Heinz, shares her expertise on:
Sasha Heinz is a Developmental Psychologist and Life Coach. She is an expert in Positive Psychology, lasting behavioral change, and the science of getting unstuck.
In her private coaching practice, she helps achievement junkies feel as good on the inside as their lives look on the outside. A graduate of Harvard University and a working mom, she’s lived life on the frontline of the battle with perfectionism.
---
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Ever feel that your achievements feel empty?
You may feel like you’re living a life that’s not your own and may feel a bit lost.
In this week’s episode developmental psychologist and life coach, Dr. Sasha Heinz, shares her expertise on:
Sasha Heinz is a Developmental Psychologist and Life Coach. She is an expert in Positive Psychology, lasting behavioral change, and the science of getting unstuck.
In her private coaching practice, she helps achievement junkies feel as good on the inside as their lives look on the outside. A graduate of Harvard University and a working mom, she’s lived life on the frontline of the battle with perfectionism.
---
Assess your Adrenals, Detox or Get my Guide
Join us on Instagram
instagram.com/anti.inflammatory.nutritionist/
Shop our Favorites
Loving the podcast? Leave us a review!
spk_0: 0:00
don't you know your
spk_1: 0:02
situation where you're just gonna give you more evidence that you're not good at making changes?
spk_0: 0:07
Welcome to the less stressed life podcast, where our only priority is providing those ah ha moments toe up level your life, health and happiness. Your host Integrative Dietitian nutritionist Krista Bigler helps health conscious women reduce the stress and confusion around food, fatigue, digestive and skin issues at less stress. Nutrition dot com Now onto the show This episode of The Less Stress Life podcast is brought to you by the women's Health Minute Flash briefing. Now to get the woman's Health Minute Flash Ravine, which is going to give you everything from hormone info to stress tips to just anything related to women's health. Go into your Alexa App application and go under skills and games and search for women's health Minute flash briefing. At the moment, you can try to say Alexa, please add the women's health minute skill, but it's taking a little bit of time to recognize that, so to bypass that you can go into the app and enable the skill. You can actually go to Amazon to go to Amazon and search for women's health Minute, uh, the skill and click on unable. If you have an Alexa device and then you can tell your Alexa toe, Alexa, where's my flash briefing? Or Alexa Play my flash briefings or Alexa Play Women's Health minute, and it should give you a new flash briefing every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to help you uplevel your life, health and happiness. Okay, today on the less stress life we have Dr Sasha Heinz, who is a developmental psychologist and life coach and an expert in positive psychology, lasting behavioral change in the science of getting unstuck. In her private coaching practice, she helps achievement junkies feel good on the inside as their lives look on the outside. As a graduate of Harvard University and a working mom, she's lived life on the front line of the battle with perfectionism. So I'm really excited to get into this topic because I think it's a it's a common thing I've seen on myself. I see it in clients at a conversation with someone today. We don't have to get everything done. We don't have to be perfect. So I'm excited to hear your take on this on how you do it professionally. Welcome.
spk_1: 2:20
Hi. So happy to be here.
spk_0: 2:22
Yeah. So let's start here
spk_1: 2:24
in the spirit of non professional than we have going on.
spk_0: 2:29
That's okay. People really like a realistic thing. So we'll just say right now there's construction. We will have a giggle. If we hear it, it'll be fine. So let's first talk about Let's get some definitions of the way. Tell me what positive psychology is kind of a you landed there.
spk_1: 2:46
So positive psychology of loosely is the study of the coral. It's and causes of, um, happiness. Well being optimal, functioning, positive character strength, you know, positive institutions, etcetera. So we're looking at from a wide variety of like, you know, under trying to deconstruct what are people that self reported being exceedingly happy and driving in their life? Like what? What? What did they have going on in their life? That it seems to be a consistent theme of people who who itself report is happy. And also, um, you're looking at people who are exceptionally talented and successful, like how today? What does he do this different than other people? You know what happens if they developed or what strategies or mindsets or particularly with doing things that have helped them kind of rise through the ranks, um, and achieve some degree excellence on then Also the sort of on the larger gill There's, you know, people that also study what we call positive institutions. So that would be, you know, unified school government. Hopefully, uh uh, you know, other religious institutions like things that are a part of creating a positive community.
spk_0: 4:11
Okay, so it sounds really good. In theory, I was thinking about some things as you were talking, like when we're kind of looking at someone else and we think, How does that person do that? Some of those, like looking at those traits and figuring that out. But maybe we should hear your story because it sounds like you had to go through a little bit of process to arrive and deciding to practice this and help other people with this. I read your website. So you have a little bit of a backstory to you have that, like typical. Like I did these things on. And things just aren't the way. They're, like, not perfect. How how we thought they were gonna be. So tell us your story a little.
spk_1: 4:47
Um, yeah. I mean, I think that my, uh my story is one of, um of someone who sort of believe that if if I worked hard and achieved the things that I was told were important to achieve on go after them with all my energy, um, the achieving of them was going to make me happy and may be fulfilled and make my life makes sense. And when indeed, I did achieve some of those things in my life instead of having that moment of, like, you know, the heavens opened and the birth of singing and everything is perfect. It felt the opposite, which is, like, I'd lost the purpose in my life which was, you know, whatever, whatever it is for people, whether it's like, you know, achieving something professionally or getting into the school a month, early years, that was the, you know, that was the coal that mattered most to me. But whatever it is that you've achieved the big thing and there's this kind of ho hum feeling afterwards. Okay, Did that. But now, eh, I don't know what I want for what matters, and, um, it's really funny thing. I have the same brain that I had before. I you know, before I kind of crossed the finish line, I add a momentary blip where I felt happier, and then it was back to baseline, like, back to me. Normal meat. Right? And I think I felt like the feeling of like, Hey, I've been sold a bill of goods like none of this stuff doesn't isn't gonna make him happier. Um, but I I think I just felt totally lost. Um, you know, And for me, it was like it was applying to colleges. Like my myopic focus of my entire childhood was like trying to get into the school whether to get into, um and then once I got there, like, Okay,
spk_0: 6:44
now what? You know, now
spk_1: 6:46
what? I'm just the same person. I have the same, you know, anxiety. I have the same dread. I have the same, uh, my same brain, generating that very pleasant emotions, despite my circumstances. Or, you know, the sort of fact that's like being different.
spk_0: 7:08
Well, I understand this because one of my core values is achievement, you know? And so I like things to get done. But this end of the day, you know, we beat ourselves up about things, so I mean, the real picture here is that way Putting something on a pedestal and a lot of us are doing this. Like if I just do this, things will be better. If I just have this other thing, things will be better. It's this it's it's the culture of Maur. And then when you get more, you're like Oh, well, nothing. You know, I didn't change myself. So nothing feels different, like it doesn't feel it doesn't feel like I'm I just reached the Holy Grail because, you know, I mean, it's almost like we have these unrealistic expectations, I guess Maybe I don't know. What do you think?
spk_1: 7:48
Well, I think I think cheating is awesome. And I do. I would say it's probably one of my top, um, you know, whether it's values or just sort of my orientation of the world, you're definitely an achievement oriented person for four. But I think the way that you do that matters tremendously. So if you're achieving to fill the need, which is belief, like I'm not good enough, I'm not competent that I'm not smart enough or, um, you know, whatever that Not enough. This is not be enough. I'm not thin enough. Whatever. Right. No matter what you achieve, no matter what you know, number on the scale. You get your no matter what the number of degrees you get our kitty girl, no matter what you get, Theo, it's not going to change that Underland belief. So what happens is you get you achieve the thing, you get the degree, you get the promotion. You know, you hit the number on the scale, and you're like, Okay, for a minute, you feel good. But then that believe like I'm not good enough. It's still there. Rate it has been healed. So So you know, if so, the achievement that you think is gonna solve this problem of you know, this belief system that makes you feel terrible. It doesn't solve that problem, right? So when you're achieving with that is the motivation it's always going to feel like appeared victory every single time, right. But you can achieve from a different motivation you could achieve for the joy of achieving right for the seeing what's possible and seeing what you're capable of
spk_0: 9:30
it thing. This reminds me of something I heard yesterday. It's stuck to me. It was Ah, it was actually a podcast. Kind of by like a yogi who said Yeah, getting into your spirit, Just talking about, like, appropriate goal setting And how sometimes I think I just think the the sassy jungle setting are problematic, right? Like we shoot really high, and we don't know he's took that. But really, when we're making goals, is that what you really want? Or is it in the spirit of more, more, more right? And so kind of establishing what you want? You were talking about how you got to the Holy Grail, right? You finish your career, you got you got that? You got the degree. But, um, is it really lying and purpose that you felt that that you felt felt the discontent like you didn't have a perp you felt you realized you didn't have the purpose he thought you did. Or if that was your only purpose? Is that Is that where things fell short? Is that where people should start their focus? Like if someone has this experience and they realize they got somewhere and it wasn't exactly where they wanted to be. What's their first up?
spk_1: 10:31
Wait. I mean, I think that absolutely a huge piece of it is like the meaning gap, right? It's like I'm not having, um, understanding, like, wait by my dough. Why? Why am I doing this right? Am I doing this because it's extremely motivated? And I think that somehow it's going to make me, um, you know, like, seem more important, which you know is his night. Is my motivation x sternly oriented, or is it internally motivated? Am I doing this because I'm just passionately interested in it? And, you know, I love the I know this study area study or like solving this problem matters to me, right? Whatever the motivation, Is it internally driven? Or is it something that's more Berlin for people that don't have access to their? You know, they never learn to have, um, access to their emotions, which is a lot of us, you know, I'm leaving the hand in that group. It's hard to distinguish between the two
spk_0: 11:37
between purpose.
spk_1: 11:40
No, I mean internally and externally. Motive
spk_0: 11:43
Very
spk_1: 11:43
hard to distinguish between the do right. You're like, well, everyone people tell me, my parents teachers, uh, you know, just like bosses, Whatever colleagues society culture tells me that these are the things that I should be going for. So therefore, Dr Lyman go for if you don't have, if you're not, you know, fluent in your own internal emotions and understanding one of my feeling You know what's going on in my body and you're connected to your your body and your emotions. It's very hard to distinguish between Annex really motivated goal and intrinsically motivated.
spk_0: 12:20
Yeah, give us an example of how someone may like how someone may identify. Give us it like a real life example of that. I follow what you're saying, but just case, study or whatever. Like, for example,
spk_1: 12:34
here, um, you know, for example, like that we're using an academic exist. Well, that could be, you know, my you know, I'll use me as an example. Both mature isn't Harvard. I just from the day hike, and I cannot remember a time that I didn't want to go there and felt like this is what I wanted for myself. But it was very much driven by believing that this is what my parents wanted for me. And this is what I was supposed to do in the world. Will call that and say, Oh, yeah, Yeah, like that's really a great goal. Go for it. Right. What? What's not? You know what's not to support in someone wanting to, like, you know, go to agree, University. But if high internally, like I I see students now, you know, especially as they worked, um, taught grad program a 10 for a while and united see students there. And, you know, students are actually asking him some questions like, Oh, well, I went to school because they had an amazing part, you know, drama department. Are they hot? You know, there their computer. It was really amazing. And that's what I wanted to do. And I look at them like, Wow, I have no sense of that in my teenagers. I did not have that, like, internal knowing of like, Oh, this is what I'm interested in. This is what likes me out. This is exciting and interesting. Today. I was just like, Oh, you tell me what I'm supposed to be doing and I'll go do it.
spk_0: 14:10
You were an obliged, right? I
spk_1: 14:15
don't really agree with the 4 10
spk_0: 14:17
nto um,
spk_1: 14:20
in general, but yes, yes, I'm a people pleaser for sure. People believe there's just co dependent, but that so people believe there is someone who is dependent on other people's emotions, right to feel good. So that's what if you will, please. There is. And that's what a co dependent does. It's like I'm going to take your temperature to know what I'm what temperature I have.
spk_0: 14:43
Yeah, I like that example right there. That was great.
spk_1: 14:47
So very much. I grew up like that. A lot of people dio e think women more than men in general. And, um and so for me to be able to distinguish like native minute what I want, what I actually want well, very difficult,
spk_0: 15:07
right? And I and I find it
spk_1: 15:09
to be true for many, many of my clients
spk_0: 15:11
well,
spk_1: 15:12
right where they're like, I don't even know, right? It's the beginning of this journey of being able to decipher. Wait a minute. What is it that that I want? Like if no one was watching me and no one nothing is engine and nobody was part of a vision like what would I actually want to, Theo.
spk_0: 15:30
Yeah, and sometimes we just never been the had the opportunity to be asked this right when someone said, Hey, what do you really want? I actually had to fill out a questionnaire yesterday about what you want your legacy to be, and I think no, Yeah, I don't feel like I don't know what I want that to be a kind of wanna live in the I kind of want to live currently as well, But it's, you know, it's sometimes until someone asks, You don't realize you don't know the answer to those questions. So it's it's valid. It's It's understandable to feel that way. I like How you saying you're upset and
spk_1: 16:02
I think my legacy now like I wouldn't have I'm gonna try to go. I wouldn't have said that years ago, but you know, the legacy more than anything that I want is really the people in my life. When they think of me right, they felt seeing but me that they felt like their experiences being reflected in me like that. They that eyes all them and was able to like reflect their experience back to them like that would matter so much to me
spk_0: 16:32
more than
spk_1: 16:33
anything, right? That they just felt that sense of home and safety when they were with my clothes, my family.
spk_0: 16:42
I love how you were just able to put like a non materialistic thing into words. Because I think so often when we think of these things, they become material things, right? Don't think kind of sort of, you know, are there kind of pretty big and wishy washy. But that was something that that guy's your behavior every day, right? That legacy You just said it guides your behavior every day. And e. I mean, it really is rooted in purpose. I think as well.
spk_1: 17:11
Yeah. And I think when I get into this place of trying Thio like, if I want the you know what I want my legacy to be, like happy and healthy kids. Oh, you know, I'm a mom. Then I become attached to the idea of my being happy and healthy, and then I become a maniac. Wait, you're not happy? Why not? Happy.
spk_0: 17:32
I need to make you happy, right?
spk_1: 17:33
Then I make it into my own, my own achievement that I need to something I need to D'oh. Which makes me not present with them and not, you know, not paying attention. Really? Right in my own head,
spk_0: 17:46
right? Yeah, I understand. It reminds me the book I'm reading right now called Parent Effectiveness Training, which another guest had recommended all about, um, kind of opening to quit. I forgot what you call it. You would know it off the top of your head. It's Ah. When someone says to you, I you know, you could come home from school and says I you know, no one would play with me today, and you say it sounds like that you're sad about no one playing with you today. And then you just give them a chance to kind of unwind it and solve their own problem. Essentially. So kind of kind of Mom, Mom, counseling your child instead of giving them advice almost right. And try to solve their problem for them. Because when we solve problems for people all the time, maybe that's what we come up with. Co dependency. I'm not really sure. I'm just kind of going I'm I'm I'm just surmising here, so Yeah, So you actually think Yeah, exactly. eso when you're upset, you say that the absence of illness doesn't equal health and I couldn't agree with that more. You also say riel health is about enhancing the positive. So if someone can't put their finger enhancing the positive How do you describe that? What does that actually look like?
spk_1: 18:55
So enhancing the positive essentially would mean What are you doing every day and it's 1000 little things. What are you doing everyday, Thio enhance? You are well being whether that, you know, sort of like the basic, um, physiological things that are important, like sleep and and what you're eating you're putting into your body, um, and exercise and moving and all of those things, but also managing your minds, right, So that your really working like you have the same kind of discipline that you have to go to the gym or to you. You make your body feel better than you practice thinking in ways that make you feel better as well, right? And not getting into patterns of rumination and other things that are extremely unhelpful. That to a large extent, your brain is kind of wired to dio right? Is is to be vigilant hypervigilant about what could go wrong to keep us a lot. But there is that we can learn to manage that so it doesn't become overwhelming,
spk_0: 20:01
right? Well, on that note and this is my favorite thing, I I, um I I read from kind of your bio and whatnot. It was the topic of, really, Why is it so difficult? Because I struggle with this sometimes, and it's like it's really it's really toxic when you make these habits that just are so distracting and unproductive, etcetera. So why is it so difficult for us to change unproductive and even harmful habits, like checking our phones too often or waking up and saying I don't feel like working out even though you know you want to procrastinating, overspending and maybe drinking too much, even though, like we say, we want to change? But then we don't do it like, Why does this happen? And why is it so hard to change it?
spk_1: 20:42
Yes, Um, it is so maddening. I think this is really one of the things I'm most interested in because it's really the stumbling block for all my clients. Like it's a big stuff that trip people up. It's the little stuff. It's little daily eating away at your time in these little mini moments that you make a decision. As you said, like, I don't feel like working today or I'll do tomorrow are now Let's take care of that later or, you know, I'm stressed and anxious. I'm gonna get on, you know, line and start like putting things in my shopping cart
spk_0: 21:20
like
spk_1: 21:21
I'm gonna online shop or, um, exactly checking phone, checking instagram and being an ending with my God wanna just been lost 40 havejust been 45 minutes here. What? Right. Instead of going to sleep or doing something else, that would move you forward, Right? So it is so frustrating because we're all very, you know, were smart. We'd understand it's not like people don't understand it. I'm a knowledge gap that people have a problem, right? It's like in large part is a mindset gap because there's was happening. Um, in this process is theirs. They commit change, right? Like I want to get to bed earlier. And then it's like, I'll give you an example of this. I think this is like a very prevalent one that I see, especially with a lot of my clients to our mom. So they're like, I want to get to bed earlier and then but they're not right. And then they constantly are just like, darn it. I said that I said it to later, and I'm just feeling exhausted this morning. Which snowballs, right? They're waking up tighter. They don't wanna work out. They don't work out. They crummy t eat more coming like it's just no balls into a lot of, you know, unhelpful behaviour. So and they don't feel very good, right? So then we looking in, we'll look into it, Okay? Your commitment is to make this change, but you're not doing it. So what's going on so well you want to look at is what is the hidden commitment right there? They didn't commitment below the, you know, the commitment that you're that you're making in your neocortex. You're like, higher thinking brain is I want to get to bed earlier so I can feel better and wake up and work out and eat well, and like, it's gonna have this cascade of the fact that's gonna make me feel so much better. The next day, and yet you're not doing it. So then the question is, what's the hidden commitment? So the foot on the gas is like, I want to make this change. And then there's a foot on the brake, which is I don't understand. I just can't get myself to do it. I say I'm gonna go to bed earlier, I set all the alarm clock. It's dinner, etcetera, and still I'm going to bed at midnight. I don't get it. So there was a hidden commitment, which is, and and when you begin to dig into it, right when so we'll make an inventory of what are you doing or not doing that undermines people. So if your goal is to get a bit earlier, it's like, What are you doing or not doing? So the list might include, like I am scrolling on instagram. I am strutting around in the kitchen. I go to the pantry and get an extra snack. I, you know, binge watch another show. I'm not turning off Netflix like I'm allowing it. Just roll into the next show. I'm not getting into bed, um, and reading so that I will, like, have some peaceful time in my bed before I fall asleep like these other things they're doing and not doing. And so we look at that list, like, what are you doing or not doing? And then begin to ask, What is this? If you had to go do those things right, if you actually have to, like, do the opposite of what you're currently during, which would mean all the things that would get you to bed on time. Why would that feel like what would What's that like? Uh, feeling right? So instead, like having you're sitting there, you're watching that place back your mind. You like Gavin? I made a commitment to go to bed earlier tonight, and then that voice is like, Oh, who cares? Just one night or oh, tonight. But I deserve it a hard day or right? What? What's going on? So what we're looking for is what the belief system that is fueling this hidden commitment and for, you know, some of my mom clients It's, um this is my knee time, right? Like I need time to myself. You know, everybody wants a piece of me all day, and this is my time to do what I want to. D'oh! So there was, like, underlying commitment to have it autonomy, right? And having not being told what to do,
spk_0: 25:22
right? I agree completely.
spk_1: 25:24
So these is that race with these other things that are competing. So you're not addressing this issue, which is, you know, I just feel like it's too bad. Now you want me to go right to bed and have not a minute to do like some mindless, frivolous thing for myself today Like that? I don't want to do that right. So if you don't address that of it, you're never gonna make headway. You're gonna stay in this cycle of, like, what's wrong with me? That makes no sense.
spk_0: 25:52
So it
spk_1: 25:52
actually makes a lot of sense,
spk_0: 25:54
right?
spk_1: 25:54
When you look at it from that perspective, like, Oh, I get it. You This is how you're have a me time are on. And this is what you're calling it. You know, like, this is how you're asserting your economy. The and that's a big question. Where you where else in your life are you? Not a starting it. Tommy, Are you doing stuff that you don't want? Torun are you volunteering to things that you don't really want to do? Are you saying yes? Two. You know, various things that you think you should be doing, but you really don't want to write. So it's an end of being a much larger issue.
spk_0: 26:30
Well, I'm loving it. I'm actually thinking about someone I talked to earlier today. I mean, I feel like this. This situation is true for all of us, in some capacity in some form. But this particular scenario is very common. Very, very, very common. Right? So, I mean, it feels like you have to figure out exactly the cause for you. What is the competing interest in your time? Right. Are you rebelling against going to bed because you haven't had any time to yourself? So then what's the solution for that? Like if you find that that's the cause. What is the solution for this person? Is it creating multiple solutions and having them do that? I mean, is that what it is?
spk_1: 27:09
Well, so in a defense, like what s so as a friend? A. It's not a knowledge gap. Like everybody knows how to get to bed earlier, right? Uh, it could be. It could be. I don't want to get into baking some having issues with my husband, and I don't wanna have that like, intimate moment. I want away from the fall asleep like these are the things that you need to dig into and find out what the kid and commitment that the roadblock here. And it's never just like Oh, I just have a lack of willpower that's never there were getting it just never It was always some deeper psychological, you know, there's always some like the other, deeper psychological reason, And it could be like, Hey, I don't want I you know. It's like the tall they're on us. It's like I want my pine And if that's the case, then um great, then it's helping them change their mind set so that they really begin to believe like they can begin to believe in practice the thought that, like sweeping, is my new time. The thing is my self care. Anything is what I do for myself,
spk_0: 28:09
okay? Reprogramming the mindset essentially a 100%.
spk_1: 28:14
It's never yeah, it's never a it's never a knowledge gap. It's always a mind gap, right and For some people, it's to help getting them to that for the stage where they can even identify what the true robot is be really, really profound. And then where you do have to exert some willpower is you have to go out as a sort of curious social finances and start to you know, that belief. Like if I go to bed right after I put my kids to bed, Look, they're they're good about it, like, you know, 8 30 right? I'm gonna be in bed by nine or 9 30 at some super early. But most women get up really early and started acting really early, right? So if you're trying to get to bed earlier, like older kids, they're going to bed at nine. You want to get better, like 10 so you have to begin to change the way that you think. OK, so I've been telling myself that this isn't you know this isn't fair. I want more time to myself. I never get time to myself. I never have any time. Okay, so all of those box are what's keeping you up later. So then as a social scientist and is going out on beginning to he thought, like, do they actually? Are they true? Do they? Aren't actually true. Um, beginning to take one. You know, one of the thoughts, Like, if I go to bed, you know, earlier, then I'm not gonna have any kind of myself. Is that true
spk_0: 29:48
right
spk_1: 29:48
now? It might be. It might not be
spk_0: 29:51
right.
spk_1: 29:51
Right. So then you start to go out and actively, And this is when it's helpful to have a coach, because then you have someone there to give you feedback. Like helping you stay on it. But being willing to check in with yourself and honestly, is best like, Is this thought true, or did I just make it up,
spk_0: 30:10
right? Yeah. Because oftentimes we want to excuse things that are very valid as not important, right?
spk_1: 30:19
Yeah. People can go on for years doing that dance like I get better,
spk_0: 30:25
right? Exactly which I will tell you think? Yeah, I tell you. It is very damaging on your health because then you are chronically tired. Your quarters all is a mess. Your hormones because of us, I mean, this is your primary piece of where you do your healing. This is not really negotiable. But I understand what you're saying
spk_1: 30:45
is true. So true. In fact, I remember when I was writing my dissertation, I was chronically sick. I have, like, um, you know, I was getting Sinus infection bullets at me. They went to this doctor, uh, who was a funk soul, Uh, social Andy. And, you know, I want him honestly, Like, I want them to tell me that I've got something seriously wrong with me, because then I could label it
spk_0: 31:08
right, Like I have
spk_1: 31:09
a thyroid problem. Or like I have, you know, something wrong, and then I can address it. And when when all said and done, the doctors, like, I think you're just not getting enough sleep, right? It was like it was so obvious,
spk_0: 31:22
right? You feel you almost feel, but batter done. But what you really needed was for that person to give you permission to explore that avenue, right? Because you felt like you were such an achiever that you don't have time to sleep, right? Uh, you just you're just too important, you know, above it. There's readies, and you're there's a reason your body got sick. It wanted some rest,
spk_1: 31:45
right? And so it is so funny Because, like, you know, I don't know if you relate to this like a part of me totally would have rather has, like, a real problem. Then have someone tell me that it means you get about earlier.
spk_0: 31:56
Right? People say that I wish it was this instead too. But I mean, it can't be multiple faceted. Because once you stop being able to repair and have a good sleep, then yes, other things do start going wrong, right? But you can not to make a substitution. Firstly, it just doesn't work like there isn't. There is a reason we're spending 1/3 of the day with our eyes closed. It is. It is a necessity. So that's it, right? Right? Yeah. So, um, Sasha, if someone's listening to this today and knows you're speaking directly to them and I know that there are people hearing this, That's that. That no, your speaking directly to them. What's your action item for them? If there is an action item like what's your gut feeling? What do you want them to take away? What could they do today to start making steps toward living the life that they actually want a life instead of the one that they keep saying they're going to do.
spk_1: 32:50
I mean, first and foremost, I would say There's nothing wrong with you. I think that it's just so you need to go down this road. We're like this cattle. I just don't have any of the plan. I just don't have a lot of power. You know, I say I want to do this and then I don't go after it like that is not the problem. It's never the problem. It really is not the problem just being willing to explore and if it and often it means being in a room with another person to explore these, um, you know, the sort of deeper layers and trying to understand, like, why? Because there's always a benefit to the hidden commitment. Your psychological system, well, looks like your immune system. So just like we tried to send off and fight off viruses that are in our system to keep us healthy, right, our body is constantly every day fighting off bacteria and viruses so that we stay healthy. Your psychological immune system is doing exactly the same thing so it's going to be fighting off anything that it thinks is threatening to home base. So that is the system that's actually going on like you're me that you know, we call this immunity to change So your your psychological immune system has got you locked in a pattern that feels it doesn't feel good. But it's, but it feels familiar. So it's being willing to take that little step towards the discomfort and the anxiety that produced when we make a little bit of a change, changes so hard and being able to recognize it is so difficult. There's nothing wrong with you. If you're having a hard time making changes like exactly like you are you are doing it is it's working exactly as it's supposed to work. So just being willing Thio, whether it's hiring a coach, being ableto have, you know, going to a great therapist, having that person who's gonna help you pull apart the pieces of this sort of like the jumbled mess of thoughts in your head and sort of the belief system that you have that you're totally unconscious of that are driving your behavior without you even recognize
spk_0: 35:06
Yeah, having someone help you point out. Does can be very critical. I mean, I would say that the times I moved the fastest is when I have someone telling me what you know, helping having someone help me unravel that. So her
spk_1: 35:21
Absolutely. And don't like I and the other thing I would say that I and I think it's so important to it. Do not set yourself up for failure, right? Like if you know, you're really not. You know, you're sort
spk_0: 35:32
of like, kind of
spk_1: 35:33
committed a kind of committed isn't going to do it. So don't you know, don't you set yourself up for a situation where you're just gonna give yourself more evidence that you're not good at making changes?
spk_0: 35:44
Yeah, I like that. That's good advice, Dr Sasha. Where can people find you?
spk_1: 35:50
Um, on my website. So www dr dot d r s s h a h e i n z dot com and also on instagram the same handle. The are behind, um Instagram, my only social media outlets. And I think it's fun. So
spk_0: 36:11
yeah, come hang
spk_1: 36:12
out with me. They're
spk_0: 36:13
perfect. Great. Thanks so much for coming on and reading people's minds today. Um, hopefully you've inspired some action.
spk_1: 36:22
And thank you for helping me get over my moment, perfectionism and not worry about sound
spk_0: 36:27
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