#089 Now Prebooting: A Less Stressed Approach To The Holidays

’Tis the Season to be Stress-Free!

The Holidays are here and can be quite overwhelming with all the preparations, parties, and errands.  

In this week’s The Less Stressed Life podcast episode, I chat with Dr. Leigh Wagner, a certified Positive Psychology coach, and an integrative/functional medicine dietitian.  We talk about what positive psychology is and how it can help you, what is intuitive eating, and how to power through the hustle-and-bustle of the holidays. 

Dr. Leigh Wagner is a certified Positive Psychology coach. She has a Ph.D. in Medical Nutrition Science. An integrative/functional medicine dietitian who has been in practice for nearly 10 years.  She teaches integrative/functional dietetics courses for KU Med Center. She also works with health-conscious people who still can't get to the bottom of their health issues, typically gut health, mood problems, hormone imbalances, and autoimmune conditions.

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Transcript

spk_0:   0:00
the holidays tends to be a time where perfectionism can really be heightened. I say that it it brings perfectionists to a breaking point. Almost

spk_1:   0:09
welcome to the less stressed life podcast. This is your host, Krista Bigler, Private practice, Integrated nutritionist helping people across the U. S. Reverse digestive issues. Exuma and Auto Immunity via phone and video. Consult toe, learn more visit less stressed nutrition dot com Now onto the show. Okay, Today on the less stress life we have such a timely topic, which is really coming into the holidays with such a less stress approach. And we're gonna get some practical tips from my very dear friend, Dr Lee Wagner, who was an integrative and functional medicine dietitian. I am so fortunate to get to know her. We both contract ID for A for a similar role a couple of years ago and we became We got to know each other then and really, I we've got to travel to Herman Conferences last year, and I just really I love and adore her, and she, um it has done really great things. So she's been a practice for around 10 years, and she has also been a professor at University of Kansas Med Center. I hope I'm gonna get that right. She's been a professor for K U Med Center and was a practiced as a practicing and integrated functional medicine dietitian, K u Med Center. Now she's about two years in a private practice, shows a PhD and medical nutrition. Science is, and she works with health conscious people who still can't get to the bottom of their health issues, which are typically got related mood problems. Hormone imbalance is an autoimmune conditions, Um, which I love, and she's also a certified positive psychology. Coaching will find out what that is. Welcome, Lee.

spk_0:   1:40
Thank you. I'm I have to clarify things that I am an adjunct faculty member for K U Med center. So I'm not a professor, although that would be nice and fancy. But I'm not. I do. That is, I teach a couple classes for the university

spk_1:   1:55
you very humble on, and she's always very accurate as well. So So it comes with being a school too long. Yeah, yeah, everything's gotta be just exactly. We appreciate it. It's very good here. So lots of health professionals listening, and I'm sure they're nodding and getting the trouble. So s so. We're talking about something that you used to do but before we which is a holiday pre boot. But before we get into that, tell me about what a positive psychology coaches and why are you a certified positive psychology coach? And why is it important for your practice?

spk_0:   2:31
So it what, essentially what it is, is it's coaching. So it's not. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not a therapist. Maybe some of you are familiar with coaching. It's a specific type of coaching that embraces positive psychology, which is a branch of psychology. That focus is essentially on well being and flourishing. So it's coaching matched with the science and evidence behind positive psychology, and it's really just helping people flourish. So, um, I think this is also an aspect, and we could talk about this another time of functional medicine, integrated and functional medicine that we could really improve on in focusing on what is good and what makes us thrive. Even in healthcare, we're so focused on the negative and what's wrong with a person and how to fix that rather than what is already good and howto capitalize on that. So that's essentially what, as a site positive psychology coach I do. I will say that most of my work 95% of my work is as an integrated and functional medicine practitioner, a dietitian. And I just We've my positive psychology coaching into my work.

spk_1:   3:41
I love it. I love it. When you said we could talk about this later, you know, we could talk about it now it's related. It's related to this right now. Why don't you give us an example of the things? Because I know what you're talking about. But can you give us a more clear example? Can you think of one off the top of your head where you've had to use positive psychology because, uh, of some negative self beliefs or or where you see that? Like, maybe this person has been told everything that's wrong. But really, you're focusing on these these positive things. Why don't you just hammer that home a little bit more? Yes,

spk_0:   4:13
So I mean you, I'm sure have countless examples of clients who come two appointments, and they're always they always have something to complain about. Something bad that's happening there in pain and honestly, no wonder because they've been sick for so long. They've been told by countless doctors that quote everything's fine and they know that nothing is okay. You know that something's wrong. Um, so the evidence suggests that it doesn't really benefit us too. I don't want to say complain, but two focus on the negative that actually we get more long term benefit and quote happiness. Um, content nous flourishing out of visualizing what is possible now and acting on acting on what you can control now and looking into the future. So, um, recently I had a client who has really severe gut, uh, pain. Um, kind of in between. Probably has some, you know, Cibo and just constant bloating, constant pain. And they're just still felt like there was something more going on. And so I kind of switched off my nutrition mode because he generally was eating well, you know, we had dialed in supplements as well as I felt like we could. I still don't think we're totally to the bottom of the physical problems, But outside of what? What we knew at that moment, um, he just had a lot of conflict with feeling like he was fulfilling his life purpose. And so I in the middle of the appointment, I switched out of nutritionists mode and really just switched into coaching. And, essentially, what coaching is. It's just asking good asking questions that pullout meaningful information from the client to essentially get where they want to be, you know. So he was feeling conflicted. He acknowledged that he didn't feel like the course. You know, he's in graduate school and working in a job that was definitely very negative. Well, then he started talking about this volunteering that he was doing, and he just lit up like he. It was this slight but noticeable shift in his demeanor and in his voice. I mean, it was just over the phone and I said, You know, of all the conversations we've had, the one time I've ever heard you sound vibrant is talking about this volunteering that you did with these teenagers. So just trying to like, explore that and try to figure out what he can do now when he still is in the murkiness of not really knowing physically what's going on with him. That's one recent example, but I could tell lots of different examples.

spk_1:   6:55
I enjoyed that, and I don't think it's in our natural DNA to be a coach, but I can think of. Or I hope, if the listener stops and thinks. Can you think of a great coach in your life? A coach that I had all of last year did such a good job asking the right questions to make you think and create your own answer? That is a great coach, and that can be hard. Sometimes people just want the answer, and I'm like here. Here is your answer, but let me stop. I accept a example From this week someone was messaging me asking for macro nutrient targets because I wanted her to get proteins, fats and carbs at every meal. And we had previously talked about the need to get away from rules and kind of having like some disordered tendency, is not significantly but to where she was like kind of a rule follower and looking for a rule to follow. And my question is immediately are we looking for like, are we looking for a rule to follow here, or is it something like try and help this person answer their own questions. So we go toward the outcomes we're looking for versus not like if that's what we actually need, that's that's great. But if it's not what we need, let's figure that out. Now we decide what works now versus later, etcetera. So anyway,

spk_0:   8:01
and that's what's tricky. I think sometimes about what we do in our nutrition practice, because we're essentially consultants telling people what our assessment is, what and telling people suggesting what they should do versus turning on the hat of having true curiosity with the client to help them get at their answer. So you're exactly right. It's a fun change. I like the shift in it because I think sometimes it can get, um, I don't want to say monotonous, but it's just like a find a way. Thio really empower your clients, I guess,

spk_1:   8:37
right? And that's where the magic happens, because at the end of the day actually got a very nice compliment e mail the other day, but it was basically this person said, I love that you want. Actually, I think it was her example at one point. I love that you want to teach me to fish and not just give me the fish. Um, so I want you to be able to answer. Won't you be able to solve that problem on your own? So you don't feel reliant on someone? That's always kind of the goal?

spk_0:   9:01
Yes, exactly.

spk_1:   9:02
So let's talk about holiday pre boot. It is now, not quite mid December, and in the past you've been doing this holiday pre boot, which is, like not a term I've heard else. And so what's that about? Where did this idea come from?

spk_0:   9:18
Um, well, probably I think, a few years ago, when I first did the 1st 1 I think it was maybe 2015 or 2016 and I was thinking of what I could do that could help people through the holidays. But I felt like there's such a saturated, um, wealth of information and just so much information that we're getting blasted with around like holiday cleanses and like post holiday recovery. And I'm like, I want to do something that's pre holiday, um, so that they that people can feel empowered through the holidays rather than feeling like they're totally spent and, you know, cooked and they just can't. They're dragging through their, you know, through their January because they just weren't, um I don't want to say weren't on top of the holidays, but maybe just some mental support, Really. Essentially, it's to empower people. I found it as an empowerment and because I was sick of all of the holiday post holiday detox is and I didn't want to be a part of that. So I thought, What better way to just empower people by doing this significantly ahead of the holidays and I on the two times that I've done it? I did it starting the day after Halloween, after kind of we start into the politick or Halloween candy. And then it went up until the until Thanksgiving Day.

spk_1:   10:40
Oh, cool. So really getting people prepared and empowered even before they're sort of in this downward slide as we are at this moment. But that's okay, right?

spk_0:   10:49
Exactly. And I, because we know that visualization is helpful in achieving goals like if we actually visualize it, were more likely to do it. So essentially the pre boot was a Siri's of e mails that forced people who read the email. So I'm not assuming that everyone read all the e mails, and I know that that's not true but that they sit down and actually visualize what they the individual not anyone else see as a good holiday season. And that can mean something totally different for me than it would for you. Um, but it's actually writing that down and encouraging the reader, too. Take responsibility for that. And also just to remind people that a few days of the holiday do not determine your health and just not to stress about it, cause I'm sure, as you know, with clients there can sometimes freak out about. Okay, you know, I've been really quote on track or on the wagon, and everything's just gonna go to hell once I once the holidays come and just reminding them that this is a blip and giving them the tools to kind of have a different mindset going into the holidays and because I thought it'd be fun.

spk_1:   12:00
Yeah, which I love, you know, like, let's make fun as part of this for sure. So, mechanically holiday Prabhu was really a set of tips that you sent out every day. But today you're gonna share some of the top 3 to 5 that are good. 10. It's for a good holiday tribute, so take it away.

spk_0:   12:19
So the first thing that I tell I told the readers was that and I've already said This is that you really have the power to make the holidays Great, because again, what is good for what is a great holiday for me is different than what's a great holiday for a mom of five kids who has, you know, you know, multiple, you know, in laws. Or maybe they're they're handling a health issue on their own. So, um, asking people what? Starting off the whole program with what is a great holiday for you? Does that mean that you're gonna make gourmet meals out of, um, you know, America's test kitchen? Or does it mean that you get boxed and frozen whatever and heat it up? And that's good enough? And honestly, both are great doesn't mean that you're gonna have pleasant, peaceful ah, holiday conversation or that you're just gonna literally avoid a blowup fight at the table because that is success, you know, depending on your situation, one or both of those things can be successes. Do you really have to give everyone, um, a gift. Or could you all agree to to donate to something? Eso all of the different ways that we can define what a great holiday is for them? Um, do you want to take this holiday to be more active? Where do you want to? Actually, if you are a consistent exercise or you do tend to be super active in your day to day life, could this be a time where you actually schedule rest for yourself or, UM, maybe planned outings for the family? Or do you want to just spend time at home? It's again. It's just all the different ways that we can start thinking about ahead of time. What do the holidays? What is holiday success really means? Um, and sometimes that's just surviving it and getting through it and then just moving on because the holidays aren't just stressful, it's like, Why do I even have to say this? But it's not just stressful because of the gift giving and the food, but because, um, families have issues, and there's always kind of a dynamic that is challenging when we're back with people that maybe we don't see all the time or we do see them all the time, and it's just like a heightened sense of stress because of the season. So it's really just to empower people first, too. Make the holidays great and whatever way that that looks like for them,

spk_1:   14:43
my middle school daughter is actually, I'm sorry She's high school now. I'm just trying to keep her in middle school. Who she is, reading a book for class called the Seven Habits of Highly successful Teenagers. Ah, side line off of the one for Adults by Stephen Kobe. And she was writing a little report on one of the habits, and I don't remember this was her habit or a different one. But I appreciated this and it was Start with the end of mind, and that's essentially what you said was visualization or define your perfect version or start with the end in mind first. So what's

spk_0:   15:15
absolutely the next principle is that you have unconditional. So this is more focused on food. So I think when some people signed up, they probably thought it was gonna be about counting Mak Rose and trying to resist the you know, the second piece of pie or whatever it is. But really, the 2nd 1 is to give yourself on unconditional permission to eat whatever you want. And for some people, that sounds a little bit scary because they feel out of control with food. It was a way for me to introduce some principles of intuitive eating, which is an evidence based approach to eating. Um, that helps people have a healthier relationship with food, so giving yourself unconditional permission, you whatever your whatever you want doesn't just mean having the second or third piece of pie. It does include that, but it also could include, like having a salad or choosing to refrain from a second or third piece of pie. Or if you really don't like the mashed potatoes, which I always get crap with this. But I'm not like a huge mashed potato fan. So, like I would much rather have a second healthy helping of stuffing so that the introduction to principles of intuitive eating, giving ourselves permission, challenging the food police, making peace with food, and there are 10 principles, but and I didn't go through all of them, but that was the second kind of I think most important aspect of the privilege that I kind of weed through the series.

spk_1:   16:48
Great. Um, and just two. I was looking for the episode where we talked about the 10 principles intuitive eating. If I find it, I'll let you know. But essentially intuitive eating gets misinterpreted as stop when you're full and there's a lot more to it, and it's really good. Some people really, Um, I mean, it's good for everyone, but some people really need to lean into it a little bit more so Ah, first was visualization. Start with the end of mine to find your perfect version, too. Is love food and yourself? Is my interpretation

spk_0:   17:19
cool? Yeah, I think that's and that is another. The last principle of intuitive eating is toe honor your health, and I think we especially in on the social media world when you have people kind of sharing little sound bites of intuitive eating or tagging things with intuitive eating. And you think just eating the doughnut because it tastes good is intuitive eating, because that's what sounds good to your body right then. But part of intuitive eating is actually honoring your health and making food choices purely based on the fact that you know that that feels good for your body. So that was another piece of giving yourself. Unconditional permission to eat is also, um, and this This goes with the last principle that I'm going to share, but also just getting in tune with how certain foods make you feel and choosing how to eat based on that. So if you know that certain things make you feel bloated or make you feel tired and like, you have to go take a nap, maybe you want to avoid them. Or maybe you want to eat them. It's just getting to know your body, Really

spk_1:   18:21
write like that. All right, what's next?

spk_0:   18:24
So the next one is kind of a tongue in cheek one, but I think it is important to remember that unfortunately or fortunately, we can't control what other people do or say or how they act. So that one is more a nod to the fact that family can be challenging, Um, and not to say that we are the angel angel winged family member. That isn't part of the whatever challenging dynamic there is, but that we have to remember that our locus of control is with ourselves in that when there are situations where people act a certain way or say a certain thing that is off putting or, you know, Maine or hurtful that the only thing that you have control of is your response to it. Um, so the other piece of that is that the holidays tends to be a time where perfectionism can really be heightened. I say that it it brings perfectionists to a breaking point almost because to what degree are redecorating and is the food perfect? And how many courses to the meal and, you know, the holiday outfits in the holiday card? So, um, I in one of my e mails, maybe even two I referenced burn a bra on who we all know in love. But, um, that she talked about the antidote to perfection is being is encouraging and modeling, healthy, striving, empathy and self compassion. And all in all these e mails were were literally they took maybe 1 to 2 minutes to read. Occasionally, I had people do an activity, but just giving people those lightbulb moments of that awareness of okay, am I doing this because I'm performing for someone else. Am I doing this extra bow on the tree? Because I want someone else to be impressed. Or does that truly bring me joy? And if that extra work does truly bring you joy, great, do it, Um, but But that was one piece of that of the pre boot, the perfectionism that I think we can all get wrapped up in and can identify with. And I will say, as a dietitian and knowing the dietician on the classic dietitian personality, it's kind of a group of people who tend to be perfectionists. So I would guess that they're going to be some people smiling and nodding about that. Another one that people responded to was was one of Bernie Bones quotes of perfect. Anytime there's perfectionism, Shame is riding shotgun and that when I heard that from her, I can't even remember which book, and maybe she has it in multiple books of hers. My job just dropped. It was like, Whoa, so where is perfectionism coming from? And it's really external. The pressure we have on really what other people will think of us and going along the lines of, you know what can we control and what we can't control? Um, the fourth principle is rolling with resistance, and this is actually comes out of motivational interviewing, which a lot of us learn, which is essentially a practice of how to motivate and illicit behavior change in people. But one of the principles of motivational interviewing that I took and used as part of the pre boot is the rolling with resistance that the more that we try to resist something, the more likely it is to not change in our favor and that we kind of have to accept the fact that going back to principal three, that we can't control what other people say do or how they act that were our problem bably going to have to deal with some both internal resistance within ourselves in external resistance. So the family stuff is all the external stuff. The internal stuff is how we're dealing with it, and internal stuff could also be resistance to you know what holiday food is there and feeling conflicted about that and realizing that, you know, you're gonna have to make some food, you're gonna have to make hundreds of food decisions during the holiday season, whether it's at a party or your hosting people, or you have multiple family gatherings you're constantly having decide. But you want to eat and just rolling with the fact that that can be stressful, even if it's one micro stress of all the macro stress of the holiday season but just tryingto roll with it. I remember when I learned about motivational interviewing. They give the example of how they quote, break a horse and how the more that the trainer tried it like coal and, um, put pressure on the horse and resist and push, the more the horse resisted itself versus when the trainer was gentle and let the horse go away from the trainer. And then the course would get curious and kind of come back when the trainer would walk away. And it was this really beautiful kind of dance between that resistance, but also that rolling with it and letting the horse or in our case, ourselves, or our clients, um, rolling with their resistance and there is, um, infinite resistance that comes with the holidays.

spk_1:   23:33
Feels like we could compare breaking horses to raising Children.

spk_0:   23:37
Yes, and since I'm not a mom. I'm a dog, mom, but not a mom of humans. Yeah, absolutely.

spk_1:   23:45
You were talking about the bow on the tree creating joy. And I was like imagining Marie condo saying she's like the minimalist first, like tighty the life cleaning magic of tidying up for anyone who doesn't know they I didn't read the book about, did watch a few did binge watch a few episodes on Netflix and proceeded to Gomory condo my closet. So if you like cold, something's like, Does this from me? Joy, If not, put it away. So like, imagining that stuff a little bit. I also really liked the, uh, shame riding shotgun related to perfectionism. So I have down for three and four. Well, I'm gonna start at the top. Number one visualization. Define your perfect version Number two love food and what it means and yourself. And I'm just like paraphrasing. I love that you gave an explanation. I'm just writing down my own interpretation. Three is you're responsible for your response. You're not responsible for what someone else could tell you. But you're responsible for your response. And four was, except there will be hard things and roll with it. Roll without resistance and you have one more. I think

spk_0:   24:54
the last one is maybe just a more obvious one that week that knowledge, preparation and resource is air, really powerful tools. And throughout the pre boot, I gave 10. Resource is whether it was to, um, research on a topic I was talking about. Or if it was Linc's, literally, to some of my favorite recipes and rusty websites. Um, I actually asked them on certain days to sit down and write down their list of the people that they're obligated to exchange gifts with and not obligated in a negative way, but that you knew you're going going to exchange gifts with and just free right quickly, right? You know, a few ideas that come to mind. So that's just preparation, and that empowers you to win. And I feel bad that we already passed black Friday and we're already past kind of the craziness of the holiday deals. But, um, to then prepare to already know what you're looking for. Um, knowing how certain foods make you feel can empower you to make better food decisions for yourselves. Um, another thing. I had people prepared to do was they went into their phones and I would encourage, um, listeners to go into your phone. And on the days that, like the holidays that you are gonna be with family and kind of out of your typical routine schedule movement and put it in your phones that a reminder, have your phone ping you a couple times to encourage you to get it, get it done and whether that's something you can do around the house. If you could just take a law, you can go to a gym, whatever feels good to you. But I had people scheduled about ahead so that it was a no brainer once the holidays came around.

spk_1:   26:32
Yeah, like, um, I find that using these pieces knowledge preparation, resource is is your tools and we have tools. You feel empowered. And I feel like at this time of year is a time where we were discussing this a lot in client one on ones. It's like, How do I handle X or what is the answer to this? Well, that does go back to coaching like, Well, here, here and here are some options, right? And which one is the best fit for you. Um, this is really kind of creating that game plan together or created by yourself. However, it feels right to you Deathly. Yep. Cool. Well, I enjoyed this. Ah, I enjoyed this holiday pre boot. No matter where it is, I think that this is useful no matter what time of year it is, regardless, because even though the holidays or once a year, there are other seasons people have in life where you could apply these same concepts? Absolutely. Thank you so much for coming on today, Lee. If you could leave people with a gut reaction of what can help make someone's life better today, what would that be? Mmm. Sorry. Throw you on the spot.

spk_0:   27:41
Oh, man. Well, I really think these five principles are ones that I would imagine. At least one thing will resonate with you, but if we're, you know, kind of taking the the perspective of positive psychology, Really? No. Your values and your strengths. And keep stick to that. Because once you, when you know what you value, that can allow you to create strong boundaries with people which I think can help people live a more last stress life essentially, but knowing your strengths and capitalizing on those rather than trying to and we all have a nature. Our nature is to do this, to think about the things that we're not as good at, but think about the things and even honestly, write down the things that you are good at and what you're grateful about yourself for and take that into the holidays and really take that into life. But, um, that will, that will help you bring more peace and truly happiness. I know that sounds so cheesy, but, um, it allows you to flourish rather than just to get by.

spk_1:   28:47
I love that. And I think when I talk to you, you are like this peaceful, like a good person, like, even killed person that's like, so rational. And you're like a breath of fresh air. Sometimes when it feels like we're get those messages that don't even feel good to us sometimes, right? Like I know you know what I mean? I have

spk_0:   29:05
a theory on why that is. I think I'm a fast CEO empty. So, like, I just don't have the build up of the stress hormones. So, like I actually could benefit from a little bit,

spk_1:   29:15
is talking about having a genetic sniff of that encodes an enzyme so she can clear stress faster. Aren't you lucky? No, just Well, sometimes

spk_0:   29:27
I would benefit from being a little bit slower. Second focus and get more done. I hope you don't hear my dog barking.

spk_1:   29:34
No, it's totally good. We like dogs. And speaking of animals, uh, the podcast really doesn't know this. And so I'm gonna take this opportunity to talk about this. Um, Lee is a big fan of my instagram stories. What will the chickens eat? Which isn't a six episode 6 12th episode this morning. And I don't know if you saw it feel like you didn't because you didn't reply. I did. They are. Ah, enjoying some tamales. I'm watching them right now. I hope they're eating their elderberries because I really want their immune systems to be, you know, spot on this winter. I'm just totally joking. But I like to see what I can clean what I can take out and what they will eat and what they will not eat. So if anyone thio,

spk_0:   30:09
I love that the beaks where the birds were wiping their beaks.

spk_1:   30:13
Yeah, it was really funny. I wish I had gotten some video of that. They're like scraping their beaks against the grabber like both. These tamales are messy. So funny. So anyway, they are. They are the you people will not have access to this episode yet, But in January, we're talking about stress hormones with Dr Carrie Jones of Dutch Test, and we talk about oxytocin release. And for me, visiting the chickens is a good oxytocin. Uh, happy hormone release. So anyway, Ah. So, Dr Lee, thank you for coming on today. Working people find you online.

spk_0:   30:45
You can find me either at my website, Dr Lee Wagner dot com, or on instagram at dr dot Lee Wagner.

spk_1:   30:54
Thank you so much for coming on. I look forward to our next episode together.

spk_0:   30:57
Thanks, Crista.

spk_1:   30:59
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