#357 Achievement, Hiring, and Pivoting in Life and Business: Live Coaching with Jessica McKinley Uyeno

This week on The Less Stressed Life Podcast, we are doing something different. My long-time friend and personal development expert, Jess McKinley Uyeno returns. Jess has been a pivotal figure in my personal and professional growth since we first met in 2016. She has appeared on the podcast several times, including episode 315, "Lies that keep us overwhelmed."

Jess has been my life and business coach during significant changes in my business, which were highly successful due to the mental clarity she helped me achieve. Recently, I rehired her to help navigate my ideas on business growth and impact, ensuring I maintained the peace I worked so hard to create despite my tendency toward chaos and achievement.

In this episode, Jess leads a live coaching session as part of our collaboration on a retreat for ambitious leaders and business owners in Montana. I invited business owners attending or considering the retreat to experience coaching firsthand. I believe that the best learning comes through experience, and hearing others being coached reveals our common challenges.

In this round-robin session, Jess will address topics submitted by our participants, ranging from current situations and unwanted thoughts to personal goals and feelings.

LESS STRESSED LIFE RETREAT INFO:
For Women with Wellness Businesses, Service Providers and CEOs

This reset retreat is carefully curated for high achieving, overscheduled or overstimulated women business owners that need a pause.....an escape to the woods. It’s for women that want to refocus and realign with their purpose and prioritize restoration over burnout.  

Picture this: A farm to table eco resort in the mountains, creek-side yoga, outdoor sauna, optional massage, hiking, and reconnecting with your vision and purpose so you can have the life and business you WANT instead of the one you feel like you were "supposed to" or "should" have.

Click here to join Jess and I in Bozeman Montana: https://www.lessstressedliferetreats.com/mountainretreat

WHERE TO FIND JESS:
Website: https://www.sincerelyfutureyou.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessmckinleyuyeno/
Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sincerely-future-you/id1499375904

WHERE TO FIND CHRISTA:
Website: https://www.christabiegler.com/
Instagram: @anti.inflammatory.nutritionist
Podcast Instagram: @lessstressedlife
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@lessstressedlife
Leave a review, submit a questions for the podcast or take one of my quizzes here: ****https://www.christabiegler.com/links

EPISODE SPONSOR:
A special thanks to

I have a few spots left for the farm to table business retreat I’m hosting in a couple months in Bozeman MT--
Where we'll rejuvenate, realign with vision & values, pursue our zone of genius, improve all business relationships (w self, money, coworkers, clients/customers), and plan for less stress in 2025. https://www.lessstressedliferetreats.com/mountainretreat 

Transcript

[00:00:00] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: when we're entertaining a new. future and we're deciding I want to go here. I want to create this result. We also have to just realize that the person that we need to become on the route to that result is going to require so much failure collection.

[00:00:16] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: It's a part of it. It's an essential like ingredients, like salt. You can't remove it.

[00:00:23] Christa Biegler, RD: I'm your host, Christa Biegler, and I'm going to guess we have at least one thing in common that we're both in pursuit of a less stressed life. On this show, I'll be interviewing experts and sharing clinical pearls from my years of practice to support high performing health savvy women in pursuit of abundance and a less stressed life.

[00:00:53] Christa Biegler, RD: One of my beliefs is that we always have options for getting the results we want. So let's see what's out there together.

[00:01:11] Christa Biegler, RD: So on this episode of The Less Stressed Life, we're going to try something quite different, a little bit different. I've invited some very lovely, incredible women to do some live coaching. Now, the context is that I've known the entire gamut that this can be.

[00:01:24] Christa Biegler, RD: Provide we split our marathon 6 hour session into 2 parts. And on the 2nd session, I was just very chill. The 1st, 1 kind of wrapped up the 2nd, very chill. I have recently trained in the same 1 of the same coaching models that just uses and I've been exploring this with my clients and I'm having. So much fun watching those transformations happen in 30 minutes, and then almost seeing parallel results by the 2nd session.

[00:01:47] Christa Biegler, RD: My clients have made this incredible growth and there's so much more chill. It's a very addictive. So perhaps in a future episode, I'll invite some clients to show and be the coach. But today I'm letting Jess lead the reins. And that's because Jess and I are partnering on a retreat for ambitious leaders and business women.

[00:02:03] Christa Biegler, RD: In Montana in late September. And so I invited business owners that are either coming to the retreat or are invited, or we're maybe considering coming just for fun. And the idea came up last week that there's nothing better than actually experiencing the coaching. So I always often tell my clients, they learn the most through experience.

[00:02:17] Christa Biegler, RD: And I learn a ton, not only from hearing others be coached, but because we just all have a lot in common. So just prompted everyone to submit a. Topic, a current situation, maybe something, a thought or behavior you have, but you don't want to have or a feeling or a goal or a result. And so I'm going to let Jess take it away and we're just going to round Robin with our amazing panel today.

[00:02:38] Christa Biegler, RD: So welcome Jess and let's get started. 

[00:02:41] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Thanks so much, Christa. And it's so funny. Every time we do one of these, you tell the audience how long we've known each other and we've known each other in so many contexts that it feels like different lifetimes and watching you grow has been amazing. Such a fun experience because as we know, there are a lot of different ways to define growth.

[00:03:02] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And when you are a masculine energy type, when you are someone who just resonates with the numbers more, it's easy to measure growth just By that, by the numbers, by revenue, by hitting milestones achievement. And I also have that tendency if left to my own devices without doing coaching work myself, without having my brain watched and doing the work to be more intentional and conscious about what I'm thinking so I can create.

[00:03:32] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: something different than what I'm creating. My tendency is to aim towards achievement and to go by those metrics, but there's different ways to measure growth. And I think that one of the ways that I've watched you evolve in any long time listener of this podcast is probably witnessed your maturity as well in the way that you're beginning to shift.

[00:03:52] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And focus in on different types of growth that are a little more intangible. And so I'll be curious to see what comes up today. Usually a very successful business owner, woman has that same tendency as we both do. And so usually the things that they come to get coaching on are about those things and what they end up receiving is.

[00:04:15] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Usually the opposite of what they ask for. So we'll see how it plays out, but let us kick things off with chatting with Ashley again, to give the audience context. I don't know any of these women. We're just meeting here, for the first time as well, which is so fun for me because it's a good reminder that we think our story is so complicated and so important to have every single detail and that at the core of it, there are usually the same couple of things.

[00:04:41] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Human thought errors happening that cause us to feel stuck or unsettled and we can identify them actually a little bit better sometimes when we know less context. So yes, Ashley, to give everybody a little more context, do you want me to repeat your question or why don't you just rephrase for us what kind of is something you want to be working on right now?

[00:05:05] Ashley: Yes. Hello. So the thing that I brought up that I wanted to be coached about today is something that I've struggled with for many years and that it's totally on the same page as what you were just talking about in terms of just being in the masculine of like, all right, what's my next kind of big win and almost tying my perceived self worth.

[00:05:26] Ashley: And value to what's my next win. What's what am I accomplishing next? What it's like a success marker, so to speak. And just getting down on myself when it's been too long, since I felt that last, big win or put points on the board, so to speak. 

[00:05:44] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah, I think that this is such a common stage and I don't know, how many years have you been in business?

[00:05:50] Ashley: Gosh, 

[00:05:51] Ashley: Our business is open 19 years ago. 

[00:05:54] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. Yeah. And I could sense that this is in some ways a very advanced stage to be in where you're like, I've seen this before. You're onto yourself in some ways that you're like, it doesn't really matter what phase of business, even if the numbers are going up and up.

[00:06:09] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And it's here I am again, you just keep coming up against yourself and your tendencies. And I think that it's just a overall, good time to address it.

[00:06:18] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: So I think that what is. At the root of this is that the quality of our business is More than the sum of its numbers and the sum of its part.

[00:06:30] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And I really think the quality of our business and the quality of our life is only ever going to match the quality of the questions that we're asking ourselves. And I say this a lot because it is usually the first place I go when I think that something is wrong. Really complex. Or I just don't even know where to start.

[00:06:48] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: I'm like, what questions have I been asking? And one of the questions that you jokingly asked to close out the email was like, I guess you could say I have an attitude of your brain unchecked is asking the question of what have you done for me lately? It's that's the little. Whisper thought that's happening there.

[00:07:08] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And even though you say it sarcastically and you know that it's not a useful thought, it's still there. And we all have those two versions of our brain, our primitive brain, the part that is, just trying to keep us safe and protect us from that danger. And then the other part that is the, our prefrontal cortex that has more access to more logic and more sound But even that part of our brain is the part that we use to focus on goal setting, to focus on planning.

[00:07:39] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And that part of our brain really doesn't account for, our moods for our fun, for our rest as much as it should. So the first place I would say is what is a high quality question that might help you Know the answer yourself, even without changing your goals or having to pause or take a rest from your business.

[00:08:02] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Some questions that immediately come to mind are what kind of questions do put you into that emotion of gratitude? So that was the first place that you said you wanted to get to. So can you snap into it immediately if you're asking yourself a better. 

[00:08:17] Ashley: I want to live a life full of gratitude so that I don't miss out on the present moment and the beauty in it.

[00:08:25] Ashley: That's really where my focus is and to learn how to. Be still in that gratitude and just say, look at all the abundance around me and the cool things that I and my team have accomplished over the years. And it's instead of always, or instead of letting myself focus on what's next future, it's like just being in that present moment so that I can just be grateful for it.

[00:08:49] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. And it sounds so obvious and nice where you're like, can I just be grateful? Let me just do a gratitude practice every day. But the other part is, and the next question that comes to my brain is what are you afraid will happen if you fully let yourself just live in a place of gratitude?

[00:09:08] Ashley: I guess the first thing that comes to mind is, will I be useful to anyone for anything? Will if I'm not like accomplishing things, am I useful? Am I valuable? I guess if you want to get into the weeds of it, it's that's what's initially coming to my mind. So it's I guess that's the core of, Yeah.

[00:09:27] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: You're like, I want to be grateful, but not for too long because then I got to get back to work because I got to go out there and produce the value because that's what makes me value valuable. And I think it's so interesting because of what you're telling me without telling me is that you believe if you are in the emotion of gratitude, you actually won't show up to your goals or your work.

[00:09:49] Ashley: Yeah. 

[00:09:50] Ashley: I didn't 

[00:09:51] Ashley: realize that until now, but I think you're on to something. 

[00:09:54] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. I find the opposite to usually be the case. It's we think that if we go to these place of just appreciating where we're at, we'll lose motivation to stretch ourselves and to go further. But the model that Christa was alluding to in the very beginning is essentially this, that your thoughts create your feelings, drive your actions and your actions produce your results.

[00:10:20] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: So what you're telling me is that I want to create certain results for our business. Would you mind sharing like a particular goal or your revenue goal this year, something you're working on? 

[00:10:29] Ashley: Our revenue goal is 21 million. We're a little shy of that, but we've got time left. We're still on a great track.

[00:10:37] Ashley: And always unlocking, like, how do we reach, new customers, how do we get out there and let people know we exist in the world? 

[00:10:45] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah, that's such a big 

[00:10:46] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: question that really never ends. So just like always, how do we access more people? The revenue question is a little bit more finite and measurable, of course.

[00:10:56] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: So even if we just started there, it's interesting. I'm like, if you want the result of 21 million, but you want the emotional state of to Presence and gratitude. Those are some of the things that you said. Do you see those things in conflict with each other? Do you believe that you can be in presence and gratitude and then take the action that it requires to create 21 million?

[00:11:23] Ashley: I do. I just need to learn how to get out of my own way because I do understand that like when I'm in a place of gratitude and I'm having fun or relaxing and not clawing and client, scratching and trying to do all these different things. That's typically when like the better ideas come and when, things tend to be more in a flow state.

[00:11:45] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. 

[00:11:45] Ashley: And I'm just chill. 

[00:11:47] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. And I wonder if, especially after being in business for 19 years, something that usually starts to happen, especially once you get over 10 million is that the questions that got you here only become like 50 percent of the equation to get to the next level. I'm sure you've learned that at every level of your business, but now it's less just about how do we reach more people?

[00:12:13] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: How do we. hit the goal from working from here to there. And instead getting more into a mind frame of reverse engineering, not just the math, but like the culture of how you want to get there because you just have the luxury of being at a phase in business where certain things are just icing. It's okay.

[00:12:38] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. 21 million versus 60. 20 million or 19 million or whatever you're saying the difference is you get to decide in the pursuit of creating that, what am I unwilling to experience? Or what am I like? What really is the goal for this year? It's 21 million and quantifying. What does it look like for me to really say, like I was in full.

[00:13:04] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Presence this year, or I was in full gratitude this year. Is there a certain example of some way that you're waking up or showing up that you're like not liking or craving that you're not showing up to?

[00:13:17] Ashley: I think on most days I am really focused on just being grateful for the little interactions, for the culture that we have, for the fact that we can give. 22 people, a wonderful place to work that they love the people they work with, they get to help customers. Like it is a beautiful mission that we have.

[00:13:38] Ashley: And it's bigger than me. It's bigger than us. It's we're able to help people, which I love that. And I think, I don't know if I'm answering this right, just the days where maybe I struggle with like a. A hiccup on like a certain campaign that I'm trying to execute with the team or whatever.

[00:13:52] Ashley: It just doesn't go well. And then I, that's when I tend to backslide into this oh, am I even doing anything important here? 

[00:13:59] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. Yeah. Of course. 

[00:14:01] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: When you're like in the details of it and you're missing the big picture. 

[00:14:05] Ashley: Yes. 

[00:14:05] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. Yeah. Of my. Yeah. And I bet you this will come up when we coach one of the other two ladies, but like the final sentiment that I want to just reiterate for any business owner who is listening to this podcast is that I think the other thing is we think that there's this future that we can create where we are in a hundred percent positive emotion where Like the ideal world is we're both motivated and grateful and stretching ourselves and in challenge, but also in ease in some way in discomfort, but not too much discomfort and comfort.

[00:14:45] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And so I might also encourage you to just like really do a download of where. Your emotional 50 50 is exactly what it's supposed to be. And the only part that is the optional unnecessary, probably drama that might slow you down or pull you out of it is when you are feeling guilty for feeling bad or feeling mad about feeling.

[00:15:16] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Lazy or feeling sad about feeling whatever it disconnected or not present or to future focus. It's what if we just remove that extra layer? And instead of judging the negative emotion, we were just like, Oh, of course I'm a human being growing, challenging myself. I meant to have days where the gap to my goal.

[00:15:40] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: is creating a feeling of disappointment, for example. And in, I can really make peace with that and love that for me instead of wishing it away. 

[00:15:51] Ashley: Yes. I think just those like little practical tools to like, when I recognize I'm in a pattern of that, that I could get myself out quicker or to just observe it and realize that it's just, it's a human emotion that I'm experiencing.

[00:16:05] Ashley: It's not reality. It's just a thought in my head. 

[00:16:08] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Watching your brain thing. Yeah. Really cool. I think the filter I would look at for the remainder of the year, we're like at about the exact half point, halfway point of the year as we're recording this.

[00:16:20] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And I think about, All right, if I am in an emotional state or I'm setting a goal and I'm not reaching it, the true errors are, do I love the reasons for the decisions that I'm making? Number one, not like it, was it a good decision or a bad decision? It's we're only ever making decisions with the best of knowledge.

[00:16:44] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And then number two, saying. Am I delaying making decisions or looking back at decisions and worrying about not having my own back on them because of a thought error or an emotion that is really the growth is how do I get to a place where I can make decisions faster and savor the experience and the process slower?

[00:17:16] Ashley: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:17:17] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. That's really good. I think that this 21 million has the potential to feel different. If you just remove that like extra layer of judging the negative emotion part, because it seems like you have a pretty strong head on your shoulder about what you're looking for and what the results that you're trying to create.

[00:17:37] Christa Biegler, RD: Ashley said I took lots of notes just because I'm a copious note taker. It's how I feel valuable. I guess she said, will I even be useful or if I'm not accomplishing things, I'd be valuable. That's basically the definition of an Enneagram three right there. And I was like, oh, cut to the heart.

[00:17:54] Christa Biegler, RD: Who cares what the goal is? I'm like, I feel so resonant in that. So thank you. Yeah, thank you for that. 

[00:18:00] Ashley: You got it 

[00:18:00] Ashley: girl. There are more of you out there. . , four of us out there. 

[00:18:05] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: I love it. So 

[00:18:07] Ashley: thank Jessica. That was really great. 

[00:18:08] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah, of course. And sometimes too, like when you're in it, I love to watch it back.

[00:18:12] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Listen to this episode back because sometimes processing it and watching it. You're like, Oh my gosh, I didn't even realize I was thinking that because you're so in your thoughts. It's like that story about the fish who was like, what's an ocean, right? Like you're in it. Yes. So Elizabeth, why don't you tell us since we've got you up here on my screen next where are you finding yourself in your business?

[00:18:37] Elizabeth: So I have been the doer of all things for we've been open since 2018 and really a staff member in the business. Doing everything from, Baking to social media to running the front counter, everything. I just, in the last couple of weeks have hired quite a few staff members to take over all the roles that I have had.

[00:19:04] Elizabeth: I've just now, the last two weeks had a couple of days off. So I have been drowning for quite a few years. And there has been. Some physical discomfort when I see things that need to get done, but I know that I'm not the person that should be doing that. And lots of guilt for not being there and not making sure that everything is done the right way, so how to really calm the beast inside that wants to keep doing all the things because that's my worth is. Yeah. 

[00:19:40] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah, got a lot of doers on this call, right? I just last year was maternity leave and that was the same challenge for me, right? Who am I when I am over here and I've hired out for the doing I got to this point.

[00:19:54] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: It is our goal for so many of us as we're growing our business to expand our team, to not be doing all the things. And then we get there and we're like, yeah. Who am I? What's my value here? So I've been there and had to get coached on that quite a bit. So I think it'll be really helpful to ground this coaching with a specific circumstance, because I do sense that there might be a couple of things that you're navigating. One might be that you are telling a general story and weaving in your worth in places where it just has nothing to do with the circumstance. There might be no problems here. And in other cases, there might be really specific problems for you to solve and you can't get to solving them because same thing, it's interwoven with what your role is.

[00:20:40] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And so we want to separate them out so we can separate. What are the facts here of what your growth problems are? And then what's just the story that you're telling and we can take all of your story out of it. And then we can really get to the solving. Then you'll feel valuable again, no problem, plenty of problems to solve forever.

[00:20:59] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: So in, in terms of this week, for example, give me one concrete example of somewhere where There's a staff member or maybe someone is supposed to be doing something, but you're struggling to stay out of it. 

[00:21:15] Elizabeth: I had a day off and I was texted at 5 30 because there was an issue with One of the recipes and it was frosting a cake and it got to the point where I was trying to coach her over the phone of how to do this certain frosting and she asked me to come in because.

[00:21:40] Elizabeth: She's I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. And my coach had told me, she's you're not allowed to go in on your days off. Like you're just not allowed to be there. So even though like physically I had to hold my, I was like, you can't go. And so I just, I told her, I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm out of town.

[00:21:57] Elizabeth: I'm not able to be there. I know that you've got this. And it ended up working out, but there were many things that For me, I felt like, Oh I should have done this, or I should have had the recipe written this way, or I should have all of those things. 

[00:22:14] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. Okay. Amazing. So it seems like in this particular instance, the aversion is to having there be any sort of failures to collect along the way.

[00:22:28] Elizabeth: Yeah, 

[00:22:28] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: let's skip that part where there's any mistakes made, right? It's like almost a perfectionist mindset, right? Where, which. Is the growth phase that you're in, because when we hire someone else to do things, as you, I'm sure you remember in the beginning phases of when you were learning these same things that you're training them on, there was a certain amount of room for error that you had to go through in order to get to the level of expertise that you are at right now.

[00:22:59] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And so we want to just mentally Decide in advance. I love this strategy. I like to decide in advance with anyone that I'm training or hiring. What do I feel is an appropriate amount of like room for error that I want to give? What amount of, I don't know, or panic do I want to account for in advance on their end?

[00:23:25] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: So that when it comes, I don't make a problem that's supposed to be there. It would be like if you, I don't know if you have kids, but if you had a kid that was learning how to drive and you just expected, oh yeah, this is gonna be a good analogy. If you are getting in the car and you're just expecting.

[00:23:48] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Your child to know the rules of the road, to not be anxious at all, to be like, I got this mom. It's totally good. You would have a very different, more anxious experience of no, you know what? I should just drive you everywhere for the rest of your life. That's very tempting. 

[00:24:08] Elizabeth: Yeah. 

[00:24:10] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Is that how you feel?

[00:24:11] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: You want to drive? 

[00:24:11] Elizabeth: Oh, because it's 

[00:24:12] Elizabeth: just all going to be like I can do it. Why don't I just drive there and I'll just frost the cake. And then we don't even have to worry about, we don't even have to continue this conversation. 

[00:24:19] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah, truly. And that is an option. Let's go there. Let's imagine you are just the chauffeur now for your kids forever.

[00:24:27] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: You're always the person frosting the cakes. That is a version of life that a lot of people choose. That's what it looks like to not enter into scaling. And so when we're entertaining a new. future and we're deciding I want to go here. I want to create this result. We also have to just realize that the person that we need to become on the route to that result is going to require so much failure collection.

[00:24:54] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: It's a part of it. It's an essential like ingredients, like salt. You can't remove it. And I think with when we're in a field of science, which seems like a lot of you are, I'm not surprised you all love Christa. We are used to evidence based decision making. We're like, okay, I want to see the evidence. I want it to work this way.

[00:25:18] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: It should work. pretty flawlessly. We'll just set up the machine and run it. But in entrepreneurship, it almost we play, we're playing by opposite rules. The path to success in entrepreneurship is failure collection. And so if we can rewire our brain around, Oh, if my team is having these moments if they're failing, even let's say if it gets to a place where it affects a client, where, the client is dissatisfied because of something that happens with your team.

[00:25:52] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: We want to see that as an essential part of where we're going and until we can integrate it in there, we're going to resist the thing that is going to get us to where we want to go. Instead of. Diving into it and then allowing the emotions to just come up and be where it is. So it sounds like action wise, you did the right things.

[00:26:17] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: I don't think you, did you end up driving your kid to where they're going? I don't know how that story. 

[00:26:20] Elizabeth: Oh, I drive 

[00:26:21] Elizabeth: my kids everywhere, but I didn't end up going to do the cake. 

[00:26:24] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yes. You didn't go to do the cake and you just let the emotions be there. And what you're telling me, the problem is you're like, I felt terrible.

[00:26:32] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And I'm like, good. Yes, you're doing it. You're doing it right. And I often say that there's sometimes people come and they want coaching on just, okay, tell me how I could just skip over this part where I feel terrible. And I'm like, There's nothing to be done here other than to remind yourself that this is a part of the process.

[00:26:53] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And then once you can allow that emotion and that step is handled and you're staying feet firmly planted at home and not, making decisions based on scarcity, then you can go ahead and start doing those. More strategic, high quality questions of, okay, in the future, what do I need to do to better help set her up for another day that I'm not going to be there?

[00:27:18] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: What questions did she ask? Then we can go in and evaluate and learn from the errors, right? So if you just could evaluate what happened now, what are some things that you have learned from this one experience of not going in that are going to help both of you for the next round?

[00:27:37] Elizabeth: Yeah. And I think for me, it's staying out of it.

[00:27:42] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. 

[00:27:44] Elizabeth: I've been a person that even for my kids, I'm somebody who continually sees the need before it's spoken. So I'm always trying to meet the needs before they actually know that they need it. And so really backing up and allowing them to make the mistakes, allowing them to, okay. I didn't come help her.

[00:28:08] Elizabeth: So she had to figure out how to do it and she did. And it was fine. And the cake was great. And but it's me stepping back and not trying to fix everything. 

[00:28:18] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yes. And first of all, you miss, you sound like such a great mom. And I think that it is really easy when we're as women, people who do. Really get a lot of our value from being someone who's nurturing and is solving other people's problems and giving and pouring into people.

[00:28:40] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And what I would offer as a reframe that'll help you to settle into this season of pulling back is that one major thought error we have both in parenting and business is that the goal is for people to not experience. We want to protect people from experiencing negative emotion. And when we block them from experiencing that, we're also blocking them from the other 50 percent that comes from going through it.

[00:29:12] Elizabeth: Oh, they're gross. 

[00:29:13] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. And so you have benefited so much from going through all that failure on your own. And now it's like, all right, time to let my kids become the best version of themselves. My business, my employees become the best version of themselves by allowing them to experience the negative emotion, the failure collection, and not make it mean anything about me, about them, or about our ability to hit the results.

[00:29:41] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And then finally you get to say, okay, now that I no longer think that we need to save people from feeling negative emotions from failing. Now we go much failure. Do we really think before we're like, this isn't a good fit, then you can ask those higher quality questions. Then you can really get nitty gritty into the training and just say like, all right, I believe that it should take three months.

[00:30:02] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: For us to go through this training, and then you should be able to mostly fly on your own. And you can test that out, have conversations back and forth. You can be really specific so that you can test something. If you're just generally saying I hope it gets better. What is better look like?

[00:30:19] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And be really specific about that. That's the more tangible coaching I would give you. Okay. Good. Does that, do you feel settled? I think unfortunately the coaching nobody ever wants to hear is. Continue to feel terrible, and you'll be on your 

[00:30:34] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: way. 

[00:30:35] Elizabeth: There, I have gone through so much growth over the past two years, and it has been very uncomfortable.

[00:30:40] Elizabeth: So I'm, yeah, just sitting in it and knowing that I just have to keep going because I do want to scale. That's my goal, and I can't if I keep doing everything. 

[00:30:50] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: I wish we had more time because the other is a whole other coaching, but I am curious about what your thoughts are about being someone who has lots of time because you strike me as the type of person who likes to fill her time.

[00:31:06] Elizabeth: Yes. 

[00:31:07] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And there may be this general upper limit with your time where you're trying to grow into a space that, sounds good, but actually other part of your brain is it doesn't sound good. What are we going to do with all this time? We have to go out there and help people because if we're just have time to ourselves, is that selfish?

[00:31:25] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Is that there's other questions that come up that you're going to have to do some like deeper work on because otherwise you'll find yourself blocking yourself. Okay. From the time, or you'll do all of this scaling, you'll have all of this time and then you'll come up with some other crazy offer. You're like, I had to do this.

[00:31:41] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: I just had this idea. And it's because you feel so much discomfort, like itchy skin, just like knitting or playing pickleball or reading. 

[00:31:52] Elizabeth: Oh, I 

[00:31:53] Elizabeth: love playing pickleball. Like I will play pickleball all day long, knitting. No way. If I'm moving, I'm good. 

[00:32:01] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah, so I might give you that as an assignment just being like, what if I could q4 put some do nothing time on the calendar so that I could practice feeling what it's going to feel like in my body and I'm going to warn you it's going to be more terrible at first, yeah.

[00:32:18] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And then eventually you'll be able to see what questions come up about your value and then work through that. And then free time is going to feel, Oh, so good. Can't wait. Amazing. Thank you, Elizabeth. Emily, let's cut it out. Tell us about this pivot, this transition you're in. 

[00:32:38] Emily Kiberd: Yeah. I owned a clinic brick and mortar in New York for 13 years and then COVID hit and pivoted to online to the health coaching space.

[00:32:46] Emily Kiberd: Even when I had the clinic, I always really wanted to help other chiropractic women grow their business, not only brick and mortar, but also get in the online space. And I don't know, like the health and wellness field feels really easy. And this is the first thing that feels scary or I'm like, Oh, I don't have any systems or anything set up yet.

[00:33:10] Emily Kiberd: So yeah, it's been on my mind probably since 2017, but I haven't executed on it, which is not my natural disposition. My natural is like chug, push harder from like a masculine energy. And yeah, I think I'm trying to like invite it in or put out like organic energy to see what comes back.

[00:33:29] Emily Kiberd: But yeah, I think there's some imposter syndrome around it. 

[00:33:35] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah, I think with business coaching, it's such a broad industry that there's so many like specific questions that just organically take a little bit of reps and time for you to really answer the questions. Like with certain businesses, you can sit down, ask questions.

[00:33:55] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: a hundred questions and really have a framework for the business model that you want. And I think with business coaching, it's hard to know what lane you want to be in until you've done it a little bit. So I don't know whether you're comparing it to your past businesses so far. I know you mentioned that the online coaching seemed easy.

[00:34:15] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: I don't know what your experience was of your brick and mortar, but I will, I do wonder. In business coaching are you allowing for it to happen organically? Or you want to know what you should be as a business coach forever now? 

[00:34:36] Emily Kiberd: I think no, I think the brick and mortar and the online felt very easy cause it's a field that is familiar.

[00:34:43] Emily Kiberd: And yeah, I think the business coaching. It's like me coaching myself or working with other coaches through those journeys of those two businesses. I don't know. There's just like some imposter syndrome of putting myself out there in that capacity or talking about it on social media. 

[00:34:58] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah.

[00:34:59] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. Who's face comes to mind when you think about the imposter syndrome? Is it like someone in particular that you're like worried about putting, like when you say I'm worried about putting myself out there? Usually sometimes there's a quick. Image. Is it like your mom, your past clients that are in the wellness space?

[00:35:18] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Is it another coach? Is it, is there anything in particular that comes up? 

[00:35:22] Emily Kiberd: There's no particular face. I think it's I don't know, I guess it's maybe confusing the audience that I do have. 

[00:35:29] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: So you're currently doing the health coaching and is it the same channels that you would be promoting this new offer?

[00:35:37] Emily Kiberd: Yeah. There's already an audience or practitioners who follow me there. Yeah. 

[00:35:41] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. I think that this has, this is like a very natural progression for a lot of people. Do you know, have you decided in terms of coaching what your offer is and who exactly you're Serving. I just don't know enough about where you're at in the process.

[00:35:57] Emily Kiberd: Yeah. The initial thought was chiropractic women who have a brick and mortar and want to grow that brick and mortar 

[00:36:06] Emily Kiberd: with, seeing clients, but then also not only relying on their office for revenue. So creating potentially other divisions within the brick and mortar, like a corporate wellness, and then also an online piece.

[00:36:20] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Amazing. And this is 

[00:36:21] Emily Kiberd: how to do that. 

[00:36:22] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yes. And this is something you've done with your own business, correct? Before? Yeah. Yeah. So you have evidence already. You know how to do it. You believe in the ability to create the result. Is there doubt there or is it because do you, have you had a coaching client yet or you're at the brand new phase of this offer?

[00:36:40] Emily Kiberd: I coach friends who are like, Oh, I'm going to launch my online membership with like sales pages and messaging and, Oh, it's second day of launch and no one's buying. And yeah, I've talked to friends through it. I haven't had an actual first client. 

[00:36:55] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. And that, Experience is so different because sometimes when we're coaching people without a container, the expectations are just so loose that we can start to devalue or dilute the value of what we're offering to them because we're like, Oh, I don't know if this is coaching.

[00:37:16] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: It's coaching. Maybe I should get paid for it. So separating that out, you have enough evidence. You've told me to know that you can deliver this type of offer. If you were to offer it right now, there's a couple of things that create imposter syndrome. One theory is that imposter syndrome really isn't a syndrome at all.

[00:37:34] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: It's just literally the space of not having taken enough reps in. The industry and the space that you're at. And some people are like, I want to solve for like, why am I feeling this way? I'm thinking this way. And it's sometimes just getting into the action of the offers, some of what we were talking about with Elizabeth, where we're like, It's just got to have to be the failure collection of the mess of it.

[00:37:57] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Whereas, especially if you had a previous industry that was so easy to start up and ramp up, that might be something that you are subconsciously avoiding of Oh, I don't want to put out an offer there and have no one sign up for it. As a season's business does that feel like worst case scenario.

[00:38:19] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: What's the worst case scenario here? 

[00:38:21] Emily Kiberd: There's really no worst case scenario because I haven't started. So I think I'm in a little bit of a paralysis analysis. 

[00:38:27] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. The only reason we don't do something we want to do is because we're afraid we're going to feel something that we don't want to feel like the worst case scenario in any situation is just a feeling.

[00:38:41] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: So what is if I were to say, okay, great, perfect. You're coached up. You have all the things you need to offer. Let's Put the offer out there and give yourself a deadline of two weeks to get a client. What would keep you from or do you think you would be able to go all in on marketing and selling it?

[00:39:02] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: If not, why not? 

[00:39:04] Emily Kiberd: Yeah, I could I don't know what's the holding back piece. Yeah. That's a good question. 

[00:39:09] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. If you had to guess, Christa knows this from my one thing you're not allowed to say is I don't know. So if you had to guess what it is that is holding you back from going all in on it, what is the Is it more of I don't want to go all out and then have someone ask Oh, how'd that go and then have no clients or is it more like you don't want to disappoint yourself?

[00:39:37] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Or is it that you're not that excited about the offer? 

[00:39:43] Emily Kiberd: I think it's just that it's new. Everything that I've built before is already built, so it's like comfortable and easy and it's like a little machine that is chugging along versus, yeah, I don't know. Will I have enough time for this and my kids will this yeah, if I do get clients and I get them results, even though it's not all on me, it's also on them a little bit of that failure piece, I think.

[00:40:07] Christa Biegler, RD: probably one of the most underrated nutrients I use in practice is potassium. Low potassium can be a huge factor in energy, relapsing gut issues, thyroid function, and even regulating blood pressure. Now your blood test for potassium will look normal most of the time, otherwise you'd feel faint and maybe like you're going to pass out.

[00:40:25] Christa Biegler, RD: But your tissue levels of potassium will decline With an increase of the stress hormone, cortisol big picture. I find it's just really hard for humans to get enough food based potassium in their diet, unless they live in a tropical place. And I'm usually recommending my clients get at least 4, 000 milligrams of food based potassium per day.

[00:40:45] Christa Biegler, RD: That's why I really commonly recommend Jigsaw's Pickleball Cocktail to help my clients. It's one of the only electrolyte products on the market with a hefty dose of potassium at 800 mg per scoop, when most electrolyte products only have about 200 mg. Making it really hard to reach those high doses of food based potassium I recommend per day.

[00:41:08] Christa Biegler, RD: Plus, it's automatically the best choice if my client is dealing with swelling, which can be related to imbalances of sodium and potassium in the tissue. I'm a potassium evangelist, and Jigsaw's Pickleball Cocktail is one of my most used tools of the trade. You can get a discount on any of jigsaw's amazing products, including pickleball@jigsawhealth.com with the code less stressed.

[00:41:31] Christa Biegler, RD: 10. That's three S's, less stressed, 10. 

[00:41:36] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Absolutely. And Most of the questions that are hovering in your brain, the only way to answer them is by doing it right. Like the first time you have some clients, as probably from the health coaching space, right? There are going to be non best fits, we're going to, But figure out what your best fit is by going through it.

[00:41:56] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: But in terms of the time piece, if that is lingering in your brain, we want to overcome those obstacles through action. So here is the homework I'm going to give you and listeners like grab a pen. If I want to achieve a goal, but all that is coming up is obstacles in my brain and they're really vague and I don't really know why I'm not taking action.

[00:42:21] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: What I do is define what is the result that I want to create by when and then I let my brain have a tantrum. I set a timer. In fact, I have this little cube from Amazon. I'm not an affiliate, but I should be five minutes. Set it on the clock. And I really give my brain not that long to wine, but I say, what are all the obstacles that are coming up?

[00:42:45] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And I really flesh it out. Like I would push you if your brain says, I don't know, it's going to a couple of times, just reroute it. Okay. But if I did know, and you gave me some really good answers, when I pushed you a little bit further of thinking about it, you were like maybe I'm worried that it would not be worth it.

[00:43:01] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: It would take up more space than I want it to in my life. It would push me out of, balance. Maybe It would be a feeling of failure, or maybe it would require me to learn a skill that I had. I'm not really feeling like learning, write it all down get it all out there, write down as many obstacles as you can.

[00:43:20] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And then when the timer is up, go through one by one. And so solve for come up with a solution to every single obstacle, because truthfully, when they're all swimming in there and we're saying these are all the obstacles, what you're telling your brain, the memos you're giving your brain is like, this is an unsolvable problem.

[00:43:42] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: It's just hard. I just have imposter syndrome. I don't know why. And her brain's got it. Nothing to do here. We're going to kick our feet up. And your brain is a machine for solving problems. It's built to do this, but it likes a math problem. That's why Christa has said right at the beginning of this, a successful business is a simple math problem minus your drama about it.

[00:44:02] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And you probably just have some really simple. Like thoughts to be cleaned up around very specific math problems to work out. And so once you have all of these worked out, then at the end, you'll have the Huh? Forward, and you'll just have to deal with that emotion of the discomfort of knowing, okay, now I just have to be in it because once I go in it, it's just going to be a new flavor of that 50 50 emotional experience.

[00:44:30] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And then it will be much easier to say, now I have nowhere else to procrastinate. By overanalyzing and I just get to decide, do I want to do this today? If not, when next week, next month, make a decision about that. Like I said to you, like, how do we get quicker into making decisions faster? Even if the decision is to not do it until Q4 or until next year and to revisit it then.

[00:44:58] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: What comes up? 

[00:45:01] Emily Kiberd: Nothing. I guess I just have to take myself through the exercise. . . Yeah. 

[00:45:04] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. I would guess that kind of what's happening here is that there is just a general fear of being thrown out of balance that is just a natural part of starting a new offer and starting a new business. And you might just have to have a real come to terms moment with yourself about why do I want this? Why do I want to bring on this offer? Cause no one's forcing you. It seems like you do have some other successful businesses, but if you're a person that really does thrive in like growing and challenging yourself, that could be a good enough reason to do it. And then you could just zone in on that, decide what your reasons are for doing it.

[00:45:42] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And. Have your own back. Do I have a couple more minutes Christa to give her one more strategy and I'm like this is a strategy heavy call today, but I Really love when I am making a decision to And I don't know if this is where you're at, whether you're deciding between doing it or not doing it, but that's what I feel like you're saying.

[00:46:02] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: I don't know if you're there or you're just like, Oh, I'm doing it, but you're not doing it right in action form. You're like you're coaching your friends, but you're not putting out the offer concretely in a way that people could buy, which I bet you, you will find. If you have this really easy, successful audience that you will find once you start going through this process, that It will be a little bit easier for you than you expect, but even if it's not, I think we're taught to write this like pros and cons list.

[00:46:33] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And to be like maybe I should do this. What are the pros to doing it this way? What are the cons to doing it this way? But I find that just sets us up to be more confused. We're like, okay, cool. Now I have a lot of reasons to do it, a lot of reasons not to do it. And I still feel pretty divided.

[00:46:49] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: I was an international affairs major in college and one skill set that I developed was debate prep because I had a lot of debate classes and I thought it was so interesting how I could be assigned. One side of the debate and at the beginning I could be like, this was the harder assignment. I wish I got signed pro that.

[00:47:10] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And then once I did all of the work to do the research, to be like, this is obviously the right decision. Should we use drones in war or not? Yes, obviously drones, even though I was against it beforehand. I found, wow, it's really amazing how when we do the work to show our brain and ask the high quality question of why is this the absolute no brainer approach, your brain gets fully on board with momentum almost.

[00:47:38] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And so instead of bringing you through a pros and cons list of like, how should I do it? Which way should I do it? I would. Figure out okay, do I want to do this now? And in this way, or give yourself the two options and then act as if you could be assigned either argument the day of the debate, you're like, okay, I have to argue why this is the no brainer decision to make.

[00:48:04] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Or I might be assigned to this one. So I have to go all in on why it's the obvious choice. And then instead of being left confused, you'll be left with two like amazing options and then you just get to do which one feels more fun.

[00:48:21] Emily Kiberd: Okay. 

[00:48:22] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Amazing strategy, but I still sense that there's like something that we hasn't been brought up yet that you is like keeping you from taking action. Do you feel like you know where to go from here or do you still feel like there's something that's like sticky that's not keeping you from Yeah.

[00:48:44] Emily Kiberd: I think part of the imposter syndrome is how much do I have to make to prove that like I'm able to give advice. So like I had a seven figure clinic, like multi six figure coaching business. I'm like, Oh, but I should really have a million dollar coaching business before I can actually make recommendations for someone else or their business.

[00:49:07] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. It's really. Low quality question. We were talking about like high quality questions versus low quality question. Like you could spin in that for so long. And I think I'm so glad that I asked one more time. Cause I was like, she's not served because I do think that this is a really sticky place to get stuck.

[00:49:25] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: It's what is qualified? What does qualified mean? And in the space of coaching. It's unregulated. So really there isn't a hard and fast rule on what is qualification. You need to decide that for yourself. But I do think that, if you wanted to decide what qualified means for you, a good place to start is, do I believe I'm capable of getting people the results?

[00:49:54] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Of offering people all of the tools that they need in order for them to get themselves the results. And then number two, if they're not getting results, if it turns out to not be a good fit, if, I really don't know how to help them with a problem, or I really got stuck, do I trust myself that I'm able to get into integrity to make a new decision?

[00:50:21] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: That will never make me feel like I trapped myself. Does that resonate or make sense? Do you think that is something that you're worried about of like making a promise and then getting into a situation and then being out of integrity or not being able to deliver on it? 

[00:50:40] Emily Kiberd: Yeah. I think I'm smart enough to figure it out and research and find the answer.

[00:50:44] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:50:45] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: So it could just be that, that you're lacking a little bit of evidence yet for what type of business owners you can help because you're just brain just doesn't have the evidence yet banked and you have to practice the skill of believing that something is possible with zero evidence. That it's true.

[00:51:03] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And that in itself is something that really just requires choosing your thoughts rather than searching for outside of yourself for proof that you can believe something. Yeah. So 

[00:51:19] Emily Kiberd: little blind faith. 

[00:51:21] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Yeah. A little blind faith, unfortunately. It's all the coaching today is like, just sleep, just feel terrible.

[00:51:26] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Just let it be and take the action and do it anyway. And sometimes really that is at this level, what we need to do, because like you are all trailblazers, you're all doing things that are you're in a league of your own. You're in that 1%, you're in that space where you can help people that a lot of other people can't help.

[00:51:46] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: But you're like, how far can Is too far. I don't know how you know is bumping up against that. It's if you want to be someone that's going to the moon, if you want to be someone that is changing the world that is changing the industry, you need to be willing to go where no woman has gone before.

[00:52:03] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Right without being too cheesy. You need to be willing to bump up against. Okay, I really don't know. But like you said, you do have that belief in yourself that you can lean back on of astronauts. They're like, okay, cool. There's going to be scenarios that I cannot predict. And I trust in myself on a couple of things that allows me to go up into space every time, which is that I'm someone that can figure things out.

[00:52:25] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: And I believe that I'm just willing to continue to do it until I do continue to fail, continue to get up until I win. So you're going to have to lean on that just a little bit until the evidence leans in and to give your brain some ground to stand on, you can give yourself some checkpoints along the way.

[00:52:46] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: You can be like for this quarter, I'm willing to make 0 and go balls to the wall. And then after that we'll reassess and see what's working, what's not working, what do we want to do differently. I can't wait to see it. I'm going to be stalking.

[00:53:03] Jessica McKinley Uyeno: Amazing. 

[00:53:04] Christa Biegler, RD: I was really like, can I cue some space jam tunes to carry us out of this conversation? I like in my brain, I was doing it, I'm like, I believe I can fly. Thanks for the pep talk at the end there, Jess. I didn't even get coached today, but I felt like I got coached because I have all the same problems as you guys, whatever the context is no matter what, like all of the core root problems.

[00:53:27] Christa Biegler, RD: I feel like we all have, and so it just has to be asked this very certain way to be resonant. So thanks for putting yourselves out there because I benefited by being here. And so I hope that those listening also benefit by being there. And some, as some of my clients, I've invited Jess into speak to my clients before.

[00:53:44] Christa Biegler, RD: And I remember one said one time, she's I had problems, but it turns out everyone else had the same problems. So they're already solved. Thank you so much for coming on today. Jess is a, we always have a lot of fun together. I'm looking forward to giggling a lot with you in late September in Bozeman, Montana.

[00:53:59] Christa Biegler, RD: And if you're listening to this and you're interested, it's that less stress life retreats. com. Thanks so much for joining us today for putting yourselves out there. Have an awesome day.